How Do I Stop Being Bitter and Resentful?

Dear JJ,

My good paying job is now gone and I have to work way below my skill set and my former salary. How do I keep from being resentful and bitter?     

Signed, 

It’s Not Fair

Dear Not Fair,

Nope, it’s not, I’ve been there.  But here’s the thing, I don’t know how long you have been in this situation, but most of the time, something good will come out of it.

Let me ask you, what did you enjoy about your higher paying job?   Other than the money, at least immediately, how can you find those same elements that you enjoyed?  If you liked feeling like the go to person, the one with all the answers, how can you be that in your new job, even if informally?   If you liked the feeling of accomplishment when you knew you had done well or someone recognized you for your work.  You can probably find that in your new job, even if not at the same level.

What didn’t you like about your higher paying job?    Stress, Long hours, Constant interruptions, High expectations, Lack of support?    Yep, I bet some of those sound familiar.   So think about your current new gig again and forget about the money for now. Those things you disliked most and that were probably adversely impacting your life and your health, are those gone now?   Or at least lessened?

Try to be thankful that you have a job at all, tell yourself how you are better off, and try to find the same joys you found in your previous job in your new one…. I bet you can if you really look.
Now, let’s talk about the money.   That’s real and it makes a major impact on your life and your self-esteem, let’s face it money is a factor.    How can you position yourself to get back to the level of salary that you feel like you need?   First, do you need it?  I know you have already cut back, that’s a given with less income, but are some of these cut backs really ok for you and your family?   Maybe you didn’t need as much money…. But hey, you want it, right?   So, look for other jobs, use care with this, but get those feelers out, think about taking on an additional way to make money, there are all kinds of opportunities out there that aren’t second “jobs”, that can be fun and profitable.   Look at social selling or using your skills and talents in other ways.

Let me tell you, when this happened to me, I took a 25% pay hit and it lasted for one year to the day one time and 6 months the second time, but I bounced back every time and so did the money.  But take care of yourself, and try to think and speak in positive terms, you are so much better off than others, who would love to have your current job and paycheck.    Never forget that, and never ever stop working to be back where you want to be.

Best of luck, 

JJ